Reason number one why the ‘10s are worse than the ‘80s: greedy hedge fund managers are suing Porsche not because they drove backwards into a tree, but because the company’s surprise takeover of VW caught them with their pants down.
Back in October, 2008 Porsche shocked the world by revealing it held 75 percent of VW stock. At the time, a bunch of greedy hedge fund managers were “shorting” VW stock, selling stock they’d borrowed in the hope of buying it back later at a lower price and pocketing the difference. Basically, they were gambling with other people’s money that the stock would drop in value. When Porsche made its announcement, VW stock increased in value, forcing the greedy hedge fund managers to buy it back at a higher price and, predictably, they lost money.
Now, the greedy hedge fund managers from Elliott Associates, Glenhill Capital Management, Glenview Capital Management and Perry Capital weren’t too happy about losing in excess of $1 billion and, naturally, think it’s someone else’s fault. Specifically, they’re upset that, in the run up to the announcement, Porsche denied claims that it wanted to takeover VW. It’s expected that other sore losers greedy investors could join the lawsuit, increasing it to as much as $10 billion. [via Autocar]
don’t worry if all fails Washington will give them a bailout.
voigt
1 billion dollars?
duurtlang
@Quake ‘n’ Shake: Maybe we could get “The Situation” or “Snooki” to join the lawsuit and you could just combine this with reason #1.
Oh my God, I just realized I know the names from that unimaginably vapid show? What have I done! Noooo….. Next I’ll be tanning until I’m orange and buying hair gel in bulk.
secrummy
@FTGDWolverineEdition’10: Stay tuned, the sequel is coming out shortly. Gekko gets out of prison…
Jimmy-Pribble
@petersterncan: no i think you should use the right end
Sharpstyx
eh, I can’t blame them too much. It’s like how Apple’s been saying how they’re not working on a tablet, and then out of the blue, it’s like “Check it out! iPads!” And don’t forget the “2008 Camaro”. Corporations are the biggest liars.
Pavement clawing maniac
@RacinG73: My private internet collection. You too can join for a low low recurring monthly charge of $49.99. Send email address and credit card information to:
Church of the Transcendent Genitalia
1000 Elysian Park Ave.
Los Angeles, CA. 90012
You will be happy you did.
DoctorNine
@TopGearForever: my father was a senior portfolio manager for USbank and was VP of an investing firm before that. He neither lost a shitload of money being a dumbass or sued/got sued by anyone. While this is a two paragraph blog i’d say that what information is presented pretty solidly points us in the correct direction for assumptions.
DerEin
short sellers cost me my job once. i’m glad to see these guys on the losing end for once.
skyln95
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fhgfht
@Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet: no doubt. Before ya know it there is this fairy tale called derivatives, and wait. oh no. It is there now, killing us all. 5k cars are now 50k, 50k is 200k, all in the name of a greedy investor…
bdon
@joelja: Definitely weird enough to promote. Nice find.
skitter
Can I sue a hedgefund because it said it was going to make money and it didn’t ?
skloon
@LBJ’s Love Child: Shhh! You’ll give away Porsche’s strategy.
It’ll be handbags at dawn. When Porsche is conspicuously caught at the grenade store? Handbags at dawn. When loud booms issue from Stuttgart? Handbags at dawn. Then at dawn hand grenades come out of the handbag!
Hedgehogs: Hey, we weren’t expecting that!
/worked once already.
dragon951
Wait so they are blaming Porsche for trying to make more money for itself. I hope they realized it is a fucking market economy, and that VW prices going up was just, part of the market. Yea they lost money but that is their problem for putting money the wrong way.
aniteshj
Reason Number 2 why the ’10′s are worse than the ’80′s: Jersey Shore.
Quake ‘n’ Shake
@TopGearForever: Not really. That’s pretty much what happened. The funds were caught sleeping and did not have any grasp of what German corporate and securities laws permitted. To bad, so sad.
crankyshaft
WTF? snafubar, IMHO. YSGJOACSTROUCLB, sob’s & spoofa’s!!
akirachan
@layabout: funny, with these ladies wearing red and blue it makes it looks like a debate in the Senate.
SlowMo (now with Rusty the Miata in the family)
@Mr_Nowitt: And, as an added bonus, it was a company I actually care about, so take that hedge funders!
Big Stig
joelja
@BullittFan_Førds4Life: Reløaded: Who naively believes that a hedge fund manager is looking out for anyone’s interests but his own?
Alfisted
@Alfisted: Step 2.5: Rail against ‘socialism’ while robbing the poor saps who think that you’re looking out for them…
BullittFan_Førds4Life: Reløaded
@DoctorNine: You didn’t know? A hudgefund is a hedgefund with U (the shareholder) in mind…. Don’t believe me? Go check Madoff’s hand-written notes in 2005 to his shareholders.
TopGearForever
We need to have the faces behind those fund companies so we can hunt them down and sodomize them with the wrong end of a broom stick…
petersterncan
@Mr_Nowitt: Didn’t they lose other people’s money in this situation instead of their own?
Mischif
@DoctorNine: *lol* I do, at that! Probably the same way Lincoln buyers feel when they hop in an Edge or Envoy buyers feel when they hop in a Trailblazer…
BTW: from whence did that original image come?
RacinG73
@ømg grip: I’m not saying I know any more about this case than you do (as I’m not a lawyer), and I’m not even defending the hedgefunds, but all I’m saying is this: the merit of the lawsuit is for the judge and the lawyers to decide, not in a kangaroo court of blogiverse by bloggers who have no detailed knowledge of the case.
To be perfectly honest, I don’t even care about this particular case that much. Most likely it’s just some posturing by the jilted investors as a negotiating tool for a settlement of some sort. That happens every day in the corporate world…
TopGearForever
@BullittFan_Førds4Life: Reløaded: Step 2: Lobby like your life depends on it.
Alfisted
@Turboner: They are!
Alfisted
@Annihilia:
Indeed. It is the American Way nowadays sadly. I’m gonna go strangle myself with the mouse cord to my computer so I can sue Logitech now.
servoA4
@Steve_in_NC: +1
This was only a surprise to people not paying attention.
erikotis
@TraderCoz: Stupid New Jersey…we can’t drive, we can’t have sex in public areas, and we can’t murder rival gangs…Barack’s hometown has it all.
Nurburgring
@Nurburgring: Not in Illinois.
TraderCoz
@RacinG73: And now, my friend, you know how the people that bought the Cayennes feel.
DoctorNine
@snap_understeer_ftw: I don’t agree with Wes badmouthing them for shorting stock. And I’m not saying these fund managers weren’t greedy, but shorting alone does not make them so.
Shorting is taking a directional bet, just like buying a stock is. People don’t like to mention (or just plain don’t know) that you have to pay an interest rate on the stock you borrowed to short.
You buy stock to go long, and it’s okay. You sell short and pay interest, and you become greedy. No love in the marketplace.
TraderCoz
So Clarkson was right. Cocks DO drive Audis these days…and now we know why.
Cheeseslap
@BullittFan_Førds4Life: Reløaded: *SNORT*
Slave2anMG
@DoctorNine: I scare myself… well, at least, I scare myself cause at first I was like, “Who’s this hot chick? I’d date her.” And now I feel dirty on the inside.
RacinG73
@Slave2anMG: That’s step #2. For legal reasons, it had to be redacted.
BullittFan_Førds4Life: Reløaded
Crack pipe.
GreenN_Gold
@RacinG73: You’re too good.
DoctorNine
So would Porsche sue them for screwing them if things went the other way around? Aren’t the hedge funds, the ones that shrug their shoulders to investors who lost their individual investments and say “It was an assumed risk that you would/could lose money.”? I think it’s great that a company finally screwed those, who screw companies with other peoples money. And did it legally.
Mr_Nowitt
Ouch. That’s a Beetle sized wad of cash that they lost. Sucks to have a position move against you like that…
ApexRally
@Ash78, totally stoiched!: Sometimes, there just aren’t enough heart clicks.
LoganSix
@irishman72: I’m afraid to get any compensation you will have to sue the Government. Good luck with that.
M4XVLTG3 makes rotary love
@TopGearForever:
What is this ‘hudgefund’ of which you speak?
‘Fudgehund’ I could figure out.
In fact I smell one right now.
DoctorNine
First Toyota, now VAG. Sadly, I don’t think this is bringing me any closer to getting a new Studebaker.
Alfisted
@DoctorNine: Jagshemash?
RacinG73
@DoctorNine: Is that you Patch?
M4XVLTG3 makes rotary love
The US Government STILL hasn’t laid a Smack Down on Wall Street despite the Mafioso greed merchants that still slither through its bowels and despite the ridiculous Billions of tax payer dollars that went to bail them out. The Regan era Savings & Loan scandal taught the USA nothing. The entire world has rejected the United States as a global financial leader because of the debacle of the last few years. Until Canadian style banking/investing laws are slapped upon these ‘whiny bitches’ they will continue to risk the entire country’s financial health for their own benefit. If these scum bag hedge funds have a legal leg to stand on it should be quickly amputated. Tip of the hat to Porsche/VW for bending them over and giving them a taste of their own medicine.
kernzie
Why don’t they go ruin someone else’s fucking country?
Turboner
@snap_understeer_ftw:
Weird Al’s take on that.
[www.youtube.com]
Tiberiuswise
@Coreboy: They’re probably out there right now trying to short-sell ‘Bugatti’ after the multiple lake recovery news stories (of both the 1 year old and nearly-100 year old variety.)
RacinG73
Way too much Michael Douglas in this post. See the Gawker artist ad.
tripl3fast
I think everybody saw this coming from a mile away. Friggin amateur hour.
And even if there weren’t any signs, hedge funds are super-high risk to begin with, what did they expect. I guess in this era, if they cry loud enough, they’ll get bailed out too.
Annihilia
@TopGearForever: So clear it up for us then, I’m interested.
ømg grip
@docrice: I should sue myslef for liking where this thread is going
snap_understeer_ftw
@snap_understeer_ftw: I’ll sue you for not telling me you were going to sue them….haha!
docrice
Too bad those hedge fund managers don’t understand the difference between investing and gambling.
Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet
@Desu-San-Desu: I got a namesake?
snap_understeer_ftw
You know what’s greedy? Trying to take over a company that’s 16x larger.
ChiSox219
@brandegee: If that’s a license plate you’ve gone over the allowed letters.
Nurburgring
@SerialThriller:
What do you mean?
I’m a doctor.
I keep my patients in stitches.
DoctorNine
@snap_understeer_ftw: And I’m suing Honda for giving you a namesake!
Desu-San-Desu
DoctorNine
I’m not a fan of Wall Street and its greedy practices AT ALL, but this blog is so biased, one-sided, and uninformed it’s saddening. Shouldn’t we hear the hudgefund’s side of the story and the legal foundation for their challenge OTHER THAN WHAT YOU READ in a two-paragraph blog by somebody who isn’t a corporate lawyer and pretty much based his information on another two-paragraph blurb from some car website?
TopGearForever
@oddfish: Badge Engineering, FTW!!
Turbineguy – now with reheat!!
@oddfish:
A friend of mine had that same problem in Tijuana.
But it didn’t involve cars…
DoctorNine
@SantaRita: *opera clap*
oddfish
@snap_understeer_ftw:
As long as we’re in a litigious mood, I’ll sue Chrysler for shutting down the DeSoto brand nearly 50 years ago, making it impossible for me to acquire one of those awesome conquistador hood ornaments.
irishman72
@DoctorNine: You’re obviously in the wrong line of work.
SerialThriller
@SantaRita: Well played…
DoctorNine
@oddfish: WIN.
WilliamG.
Complete bullsh*t. When Porsche created “Porsche Automobil Holding SE” it was pretty evident what they were up to. They had plenty of time to get out.
F*ck ‘em and feed ‘em fish heads.
Steve_in_NC
@brandegee: I triple-dog-dare them!
SerialThriller
@aasukisuki:
Ash78 unquestionably has a way with words…
DoctorNine
Hedge Fund Managers some of the Filthiest Rich SOBs I’ve ever met…oh and they’re not shy about sharing their stories.
JayBrizzle
Yo dawg, I heard you like short selling, so I put some Ed Hardy stock in your portfolio so you can sell shorts while you short sell.
oddfish
@snap_understeer_ftw: Indeed. Anyone watching could have told you to buy VW stock, not short it. In fact, I DID.
DoctorNine
NT2BG2CRY
brandegee
@BullittFan_Førds4Life: Reløaded: You forgot a step. “Get taxpayers to foot bill for your risky behavior but on no account pay taxes if you make a profit on that same behavior.”
Slave2anMG
Damn, there goes the money they made from the Panamera…wait, hang on.
Nurburgring
@studbike: These are money managers. They aren’t intelligent, merely born into money, and burdened with the expectation that someone owes them millions per year for simply pushing paper around. Let them all hang. ASAP.
DoctorNine
@Ash78, totally stoiched!: This justice is best served in January.
brandegee
As if I needed another excuse to call for open season on money managers…
“Added value” my everloving arse.
DoctorNine
What part of “high risk” blah blah blah…
aciddiver
OT: Michael Douglas will always be the first person to come to my mind, when ever some one brings up the terms “investment” and “stock markets.”
I blame Wall Street for that. He pretty much defined the typical Wall St douche. But, he sure was damn sexy in that movie. No, I am not gay or bi.
FTGDWolverineEdition’10
(Besuited Master of the Univese spit-takes a mouthful of Macallan 60) “Shadowy and disengenuous manipulations of the market to suit your own ends? That’s our job!”
ProstWest
Hedge Funds for Dummies:
1. Buy low, sell high.
2. ???
3. Profit!!
4. If #3 does not occur, whine like a spoiled little bitch until (a) someone actually cares or (b) you get charged with securities fraud.
5. Repeat as necessary. Preferably with the outcome of #4(b).
BullittFan_Førds4Life: Reløaded
@Ash78, totally stoiched!: This might be the greatest comment I’ve ever read on this site. You had me at “Whiny bitches” and sealed the deal with “Sucking on giant metal bull’s nuts”
aasukisuki
@Desu-San-Desu: I ll sue you for suing the company I was going to sue over Vanilla Coke
snap_understeer_ftw
how could one possibly watch the toureg-cayenne situation unfold and not realize that a buy-in was imminent?
studbike
@snap_understeer_ftw: I’m suing Dr. Scholl’s because my feet stink.
Oh, and Coke because of Coke Zero.
Desu-San-Desu
Porsche SE held cash-settled options. Essentially the options weren’t to buy any shares of Volkswagen, but instead the difference between the cash value of the security and the strike price is given to the option owner. It was purely a money-play. No voting shares or control of voting shares involved.
I’d say Porsche SE out hedge-funded the hedge-funds.
snap_understeer_ftw
These guys claim to make money in up markets AND in down markets. They’re highly unregulated. They’re often accused of ponzi and pyramid schemes (sometimes correctly). They are the shady underbelly of a world of financial derivatives where SOMEONE gets paid, no matter what the income. They take risks far in excess of most people’s tolerances. They usually pride themselves on diversification. They make even the scummiest attorneys look like upstanding individuals.
Yet, when the rubber meets the road, they’re still just a bunch of whiny bitches.
Not only should they lose, but they should be forced to spend 3 hours a day on Wall Street every day for the next 10 years, sucking on the giant metal bull’s nuts.
Ash78, totally stoiched!
It seems that the rule used to be “survival of the fittest”, but thats not true anymore….the new rule is survival of the “un-fittest”…..
Gordon Gekko-
PHIL
What a bunch of whiners. Next thing you know the GOV will come to their rescue because they couldn’t win the case and desperately need an infusion of cash to pay their jet fuel tabs at the local airstrip.
It’s called capital markets people. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
ThreeLitre
@Desu-San-Desu: Im suing Microsoft for $100 billion because I got a virus on windows
snap_understeer_ftw
@LBJ’s Love Child: one word: word.
junker!
Does this mean we can sue the hedge funds when oil hit $4 a gallon a year or so ago? That price increase was caused by ‘institutional investors’ buying up oil futures, causing an increase in the oil and gasoline prices.
ooninsenerig
@LBJ’s Love Child: just try not to scratch the cars ,would you?
SantaRita
This should prove to be interesting.
leavethegun-takethecannoli
Jesus this is sad. The worst part is that they may actually have a case. If Porsche can be shown to have knowingly deceived and manipulated the market to their advantage, they may be in trouble.
Time to show off some of that efficient German lawyering.
splint
@sixt9coug: heart click for you my good sir!
SantaRita
@SantaRita:
SantaRita
These Avarichey-Ritcheys need to go cry to their Mammons.
SantaRita
I thought Porsche *attempted* a quiet acquisition of VW stocks with a takeover in mind, but that failed. As of the end of 2009 VW has absorbed Porsche. Wikipedia: Porsche, section “Relationship with Volkswagen”
Maybe I’m wrong about the final status of their relationship. It’s probably best to just summarize it Facebook-style, “It’s complicated.”
Anyway, none of that makes these plaintiffs any less the d-bags they are.
FourOhs
@layabout:
Handbags?
Hell, hand grenades.
LBJ’s Love Child
Hah! I find it funny how these dorks who thinks their crap don’t smell b/c they have an MBA, can take risks like they’re in a billion-dollar casino, and then sue b/c they bet all their money on 23-black.
Greedy a-holes. This is why we need to raise the capital gains taxes on these hedge funds.
ragtopdodge
“Greedy” Hedge Fund Managers is a little redundant amirite?
VeeArrrSix
So they’re mad they didn’t get charged with insider trading and sent to jail?
Because had Porsche told them before the announcement, that’s treading in pretty close territory.
Desu-San-Desu
More evidence that these firms are reckless and greedy beyond any semblance of ethics. They don’t care if they pull the global economy down with them and turn to the government tit when they’re in trouble for their own moronic decisions. Sadly, this system works for them, but not for anyone else.
Maxx Cracker
@RacinG73: That’s assuming they know that Audi and Bugatti are part of the same company. They might end up suing them too when they find out.
Coreboy
That’s the risk you take jackasses.
sixt9coug
This just makes me sad. I wish there was something better for me to say, but my faith in humanity is rapidly declining. I’m amazed judges let people waste their time with useless lawsuits like this.
DakotaEpic
@Coreboy: Seriously… like these guys are ever going to be allowed to buy a VW, Audi, Porsche or Bugatti ever again… They’re going to have to stick with BMW and Mercedes’ from here on out. Suckers!
RacinG73
Guess the government ATM ran dry so now they’re moving on to asking the private sector for a bailout.
Whatever happened to taking it on the chin like a man? Now it’s all about who can whine the loudest, longest, and to the right politician/court.
GasGuzzler
@RacinG73: Wait, I forgot to say ‘VAG’. Just like to make sure I include that.
RacinG73
Handbags at dawn it is then
layabout
@oddfish: And their Panameras were Passats… Caymans were Jettas…. Or something like that.
RacinG73
Get em porsche!
Coreboy
They’re just mad they didn’t realize their Cayennes are actually Touaregs.
oddfish